Dealing with conflict

A few pointers on preventing, and dealing with, conflict situations:

• Don’t take it personally. The most likely explanation for someone’s actions is the one that contains the least amount of intent. So don’t ascribe to meanness what could be ascribed to tiredness, anxiety, low blood sugars or anything else purely biochemical.

• Consider what changes you can make to the external environment, as well as to your own actions. We tend to underestimate the role of context in dictating peoples’ moods and decisions, including our own.

• Catch your feelings early. Learn to become aware of your own anger and frustration in its very early stages.

• Speak up early. Clear early communication can save a huge amount of pain later on. Don’t expect others to mind read.

• Conduct an accusations audit. Pre-empt potential accusations of your behaviour by laying them out in a fair and balanced way, and getting them out in the open. Unexpressed negative emotions fester.

• Try not to respond immediately. Wait for your second, more reflective response. Until then - say less than you think you should. 

Further reading:

Hanlon’s Razor: Relax, Not Everything is Out to Get You, Farnam Street

Conflicts, The Book of Life

The Art of Letting Other People Have Your Way, Chris Voss